31 weeks along...

Really feeling ready to hold Connor in my arms. He continues to grow and is very active. For the most part, I feel great. I do get out of breath a lot and have had some dizzy/fainting spells. I'm not exercising though. I have a prenatal yoga dvd that keeps calling me but to be honest, I've been enjoying being a complete and utter lazy butt. Once Connor gets here and with Jakey's school/soccer and then my own MSW program in Sept, I won't have ANY of that time EVER. I've been reading up on Hypnobabies as I desire a natural birth. I am open to the possibilities but my last birth was horrendous as most every woman has heard those traumatizing stories. Since this is the last baby I'm having, I'd like to have it on my terms LOL. I just downloaded this great book. I love love love Kristen Suzanne, her blog. Its been very inspiring. While we have not been vegan, we still continue to try to make healthier choices. Juices, smoothies, a plethora of fruits available and in front of us. My meat consumption is wayyyy down. Cheese consumption not so much. I take my vitamins. And funny since I started eating meat, etc again... my iron levels marked me as anemic and I've had to take another supplement. Blah. OH well enough blabbing for now.

Snowy weather...

Baby Connor is now kicking me back when I poke my stomach. Great fun. Love love love my belly, may not like the rest of the weight gain (which I've already gained almost as much as I did with Jake by 9months). Knock on wood, no new stretch marks on the belly, only the old white shiny ones. I've been consistent about oiling up my belly with all sorts of goodies (coconut oil, jojoba oil and Burt's Bee's Mama belly stuff). It snowed yesterday, school is closed. Roads look icy. Eeks. I need to get out today.
My eating has been somewhat fair. Continue to have green juices, didn't have any meat yesterday. I did have some cheese though. Damn that opiate affect. Had lots of fruit though. I'm eating through a Costco size bag of Clementines on my own it seems. Yum. Love that Costco now sells Larabar. I have to be in a really detoxed state to enjoy them though. I had the apple pie one for breakfast and it didn't taste that appealing but I do like the ingredients.
I've been psyching myself out by reading raw/vegan blogs, its a great motivator. However Thanksgiving is just around the corner. From re-reading my own blog I notice the summer time seems to be a much easier season to try going raw and finding some measure of success. The desire is still there to reach that, I guess I'm just taking my time. I seem to be lacking impulse control. "ooo that looks yummy, get in my belly." But I really want my family to be healthy.

And the beat goes on....

Here I am, it's noon. I've already been to the grocery store to take Gram to find some Gluten Free goodies. I made a delicious smoothie this morning and now I'm sipping on a GT Dave's Kombucha. Bliss in a bottle. I also had some fresh squeezed tangerine juice, yum yum. Still working on the meat free thing, its not like I even like the meat when I eat it. Its weird. Last night mom made a chicken and rice casserole. I had some.

My dad wanted to take Jake to IHOP so I had him eat some spinach and drink tangerine juice before going. He really does love his spinach. Its awesome to see. I alternate giving him spinach and a lil baggie of carrots in his lunch.

Smoothie:
Fresh banana
Frozen mixed berries
Chia Seeds
Spinach
Coconut milk
Fresh squeezed tangerine juice

Its a sublime type of morning...

Got up early to take Shanelle to school (7am is way too blasted early), came back. Got Jake ready for school. We had a slice of GF Energe brown rice loaf. Not too bad, had to put a tbsp of peanut butter on it though to mask the weird texture of it. Jake ate it all. Had a fresh tangerine and some water. Then had a cup of So delicious coconut milk. My absolute FAV!!! Took him to school, listened to sublime on the way back with the sun shining contemplating my beautiful green juice of the day. If one thing has stuck with me these almost 2 years of vegan/vegetarianism/rawness, it has been juices. Oh yes, I feel positively cranky if I miss a day of having one. And kombucha but thats another story.

Sublime Green Juice:
1/2 head Kale
2 cucumbers
2 green apples
1 bosc pear
Juice of 2 meyer lemons

Fantastic!!!

I'm going to have whole wheat spaghetti that I made for dinner last night for lunch. Its a butternut squash sauce. And then possibly a green smoothie and an artichoke plus fruit for dinner/snacks the rest of the night.
Still working on vegetarianism, had a few bites the last 2 days. So today will be meat free.

Here I gooooo again.....

6 months along....

It definitely seems a common theme with me to have long absences of blogging. And that is due to the fact that I once again flipflop weave through healthy eating. The one constant has been green juices everyday. We've slackened up on the smoothie making... and animal products have crept back into our menu. There has been a lot of changes going on. We've moved into my parents so that I can prepare to go get my Masters in Social Work degree. It will take me 3 years. Bleh. But it is the smartest decision for our future.

The pregnancy is going great. We're having a boy. Connor James. He is a BIG boy. Already weighing in at over a pound. He's VERY active. I've had lots of dizzy spells and have fainted twice. But other than that I feel healthy as a horse.

I guess I could spend the next half hour blabbing about how I vow to get back to raw but I won't waste my breath. I will just make a mental note of trying again. Try try try again, right? So today mark's vegetarianism day.

Where does the time go?

I'll tell you where it goes... ...... too fast.. into unhealthiness and sloth. This is my attempt at recapturing that sparkling feeling, of being clean, eating clean and nutritious. I have tripped over my own feet and let convenience and cheapness affect my family's health. I suspect the fact that somewhere still deep inside I feel that a pregnant lady can still indulge in her cravings, although moderation is key, I have lost that.

So here I go again, going after what I want and hoping this time, THIS TIME I can stick with it. Wish me luck.

Dear Jakob....

I've been very concerned about you! Thank you for contacting me as I couldn't access your FB page and now it won't let me reply to your email message. I am so sorry for the difficult memories you are facing and I wish I could offer more support. You are a WONDERful person. I am sending positive thoughts your way and will miss your companionship on FB. :) I will def blog more often now. Please let me know if there is anything I could do to help, OKKKKK?

~Jessica (who is still struggling to remain raw)

Dreams of gold....

Yeehaw. I had a dream I was panning for gold (we're actually going to pan for rubies in Virginia City, MO) and I found a HUGE golden bar and I could feel myself swimming across a cold shallow stream to get it... it was gravelly and I saw myself getting closer and closer.... And THEN.. my father got a hold of it and cut it in half like a piece of tofu and gave half of it to another family member and then he kept a piece. And I ran around like a crazy lady throwing a tantrum.

Leaving in less than an hour and I still have to feed the kids, bathe Jake, grab myself a shower and make sure I have everything packed because invariably, I have forgotten something. But I have managed to feed myself, feed my FB addiction and sit here staring at Spongebob being hypnotized into stupidity and sloth.

Ok, off I go. I'm going to miss my man so damn much. This will be the longest we have gone in over 2 and half years without seeing each other.. 4 whole days. WOWSers. And I'll be gone from my doggy... I hope she doesn't tear up the house when Oliver is at work.. eeeeksss...

Blabbing...

Its been almost 2 weeks since my trip to Wenatchee and my spectacular burn that turned into my great looking tan.. and I'm peeling. Just thought I'd share that.

It has been been a not so fun 2 weeks as the nausea took over and Oliver got afflicted with a nasty tooth infection. The worse part of that is he doesn't have insurance yet. I hate watching him suffer but with antibiotics that we hoard from family (for this occassion), it generally takes him 3-4 days and then it goes down. Now I'm not a big antibiotic fan but they do have their place for sure.

As from my last post, I have strayed from the vegan path and with a little more forgiveness to myself and looking at the bigger picture it helped me get past the worst. And I feel better today and *fingers, toes, eyes crossed* I feel as if it really has passed and I'm starting to feel a little zippier. *zip zip*

Let me confess my dietary sins: I had:
-Nacho's at the mall with the kids (although I swear they gobbled it faster than I could manage to sneak my fingers in for a bite at the risk of losing my fingers). It was just beans, tortilla chips, melted cheddar cheese, tomatoes, guac, sc, and olives.

-A small cheese fries from Charley's subs. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this the best. Dipped in ketchup and honey mustard. Oliver sat there and watched me eat it. He has got the will of a saint now.

- A little popcorn and yes those damn sour candies while we treated ourselves at Inception. (FANTASTIC movie btw)

-And yesterday I was MUCHO hungry, I mean I felt ravenous. I made "chicken" patties (morningstar farms) and rice with tomato slices. Jake absolutely loved it. Now I do believe this type of fake meat is not healthy but I understand its importance in people transitioning to a meat free way of life.

What I've learned:
Meat absolutely holds no appeal, I guess I still struggle with other animal products. But I feel I have come over this hump.

We both felt very sluggish after eating that fake meat and it has def prompted me to have a high raw day today.

I may have forgotten the banana in this morning's smoothie but dang it is good. I finally got my package from Vitacost in the mail yesterday. (A kid's multivamin/mineral powder for their smoothies, Hemp protein powder, coconut oil, chia seeds, jojoba oil (for my stretch marks), vegan dha supplements, chlorella, raw cashews)

OHHHHHHHHHH.... and today is the first day I'm supposed to recieve my box of organic fruits and veggies from Terra Organics.

Ok I've blabbed enough this morning. Dang I feel good. I wish everyone felt this way.

cherry madness....

Came back from Wenatchee with over 23 lbs of cherries and morning sickness. It was a sheer blast there, the heat was INCREDIBLE! I am actually tan now.

It has been a difficult week and half since coming home. Yesterday I was completely down with nausea. Out of commission and couldn't take the kids home. Oliver has a damn tooth infection and couldn't take them back either. So poor kids had to suffer through two very cranky adults.

On to my eating habits, they have been erratic. I'm finding I'm either not hungry and nauseous or ravenous and then nauseous. And I'm trying to force myself to eat at regular intervals but it is just not working out. I have backstepped into consuming some cheese. We ordered pizza the other night, thin crust with pineapple and olive. You know its really not as tasty as my brain remembers it.

I am trying to keep lots of juice in me, I am still consuming over a quart of fresh juice a day. Smoothie have lost their appeal but I am making myself drink one this morning. (Left over fruit salad, more banana, flax seeds, frozen cherries, and spinach)

And I'm disappointed in myself for having totally neglected any type of physical workout. But honestly I am just so worn out.. for having done nothing! LOL I slept 9 hours last night and I think I could go back to bed.. blah..

I know this will pass, and I'll have rebound energy and no more icky sickness. I'll just keep trying my best.

And my fingers are still purple from pitting cherries.

The weather is phenomenal....

It is actually summer here in the PNW. It gives me the opportunity to wear my cute sun dresses. Tee hee. I was chatting with someone I met on here and they asked how I was going to deal with raising a High raw-vegan baby in today's society.. *sigh*.

I had a huge grapefruit for breakfast and some of Oliver's green smoothie. (Coconut milk, spinach, frozen cranberries, flax seeds) and then another heavenly plum. I had to run to the store today to get more plums. I think I am going to turn into a plum. I am wearing a plum colored sundress today.

Then I had some kombucha tea peach flavored. I was worried about the caffeine as I usually don't have any and I researched a little bit and saw some people for and some people against Kombucha during pregnancy. I really enjoyed the refreshing beverage and I feel good. So I probably won't have anymore to be on the safe side.

I am going to be computer free this weekend. I am leaving in the morning to pick up Hanna and Ollie from Shoreline then zooming on over to Wenatchee for the weekend to visit Oliver's parents. Boohoo, Oliver can't go due to work. And I really don't like to drive on long car trips but .... oh well. I am going unplugged. Except for my cell phone of course. Going to enjoy that hot weather and I do believe we are going Cherry picking.


Happy Trails everyone. :)

Surprising the doctor...

The last few days have been pretty busy, we started to run low on food and I had one day where I didn't have any green smoothies or juices and I just felt like a wretch. I was grumpy and didn't feel energized. But then WOOO unemployment check came in and it was a mad dash for the store. Our cart was a plethora of fruits and veggies which managed to garner a few weird looks from other patrons of the store. The only cooked food I stuck into the cart was a pack of baked tofu teriyaki style. Man I wanted that.

We sped home and had this lovely meal above. It was organic spinach, organic plum, some red apple slices, avocado with fresh organic dill and a hunk of that tofu. Which turned out I wasn't that interested in the tofu.

I've been noticing an integral internal change FOR THE BETTER. I never struggled with turning vegetarian. It was a very natural switch. But I did struggle with turning vegan, cheese and butter were hard to give up. And while I have had plenty of opportunity to indulge in these vices, which were even encouraged and readily available. I found that I simply did not care about them enough to eat them. And it wasn't like it was torture. It wasn't as if "OH MY GOD I WANT THAT but I'm sticking to my resolution." It wasn't out of sheer stubbornness that I didn't eat them.

I honestly don't want them. The cravings have gone and really I was struggling with that, I was scared that being vegan would be a forced thing for me. Because nachos were just about my top 10 food (without meat of course) and while I loved my health, I felt entitled to indulge in it.
And although I aspire to more raw-ness. I am thankful for my ups and downs and weird patterns of transition. And I have to give Oliver credit for saying "Jess, just transition to vegetarian to vegan to raw" And I was all gung-ho for "NO! It has to be 100% raw or nothing" No wonder I have had a funky roller coaster ride. But its true that your body will tell you when you are ready. I don't know if it has anything to do with my 1/3 an inch visitor in the womb.. but I am thankful and I am happy. And I feel positive. And I respect myself for coming this far. And I'm excited to keep on keeping on.


We love to eat around here, I'm not trying to fool anyone. And before we took our health seriously and when we were in a pit of despair about mundane everyday issues such as finances and so forth, we sought comfort in cheap fast food. In fact, I loved eating out. Compliments of my parents growing up, restaurants were more comfortable than eating at home because we ate out SO MUCH. Now our conversations regard more about what we'd like to do together. Usually Oliver and I would talk about where we wanted to go to eat. LOL.

Moving onwards, I actually met my doctor yesterday. And I like her. I initially thought to not tell the doctor my eating habits for fear of ostracism and that general "are you crazy" look. Her reaction was "OH LET'S check your blood work"........... and............

....................................................................... results are in... Above average on everything. And she didn't seem skeptical after that. She'll do. :) Next appointment is in august and we should be able to hear the heartbeat. I am super stoked about that. I remember that feeling when I heard Jacob. And now my baby is getting to be a big brother. Awww shucks, damn hormones making me want to tear up. ok ok... moving on....

Hope everyone has a lovely day...

Breathing and letting go of things I can not change....

I do not have the ability to change people's minds. Pure and simple. My mother's outlook on "health" is a closed door. There will be no information flowing in that doesn't suit her need for cheese, meat, bread, candy, Pepsi and cigarettes. I went over to their house yesterday morning as I let Jacob spend the night. She was serving herself a HUGE serving of rice smothered in gravy with a big porkchop. I just made a funny face but reserved my comments to myself as it gets me nowhere (but partial insanity). I was super hungry and opted for a bowl of plain rice (not healthy but vegan). Then she made the comment "I hope your baby is healthy. YOU NEED a glass of milk."

*smacks forehead repeatedly* Now I've been hoovering up all the information I can here on the wonderful world wide web and I'm not a dumb person by any means. I at least made it through college and consider myself fairly rational and able to distinguish crap from not crap. And here my mother is lecturing me on how I could be hurting my unborn child and Jacob and well everyone around me for my "crazy ideas." There is no use to try and cite the research.. her retort was "You know there was a study that said organic produce wasn't any better for you." I asked her who sponsored that study... "I don't know." But pure and simple she believes it. As I believe that I am doing the best health wise for my family. I look at the very sick people around me. My mother has a host of ailments that range from weird "spells" where she loses track of time and HERSELF. My gram is on 25 different prescriptions for a LONG LONG list of ailments that are hard to spell. My father is so overweight that I cross my fingers that he doesn't have a heart attack but according to him "What a way to go!!!"

I have scarfed health books for a number of years now, I have tried to become friends with others on the same health approach and I've been tracking my calories/carbs/protein and vitamins and minerals on this site. I am healthier than I have ever been. I just have to read my dang blogs. LOL Come to think of it, we as a family haven't had a cold in forever and they always coincide with the intake of dairy!!!!

My skin is the biggest indicator. Oh how I suffered as a teenager.. It has lasting effects on my self esteem.. I was so damn ugly. LOL My mom took me to the doctor for acne. They put me on the pill, creams, antibiotics.. I went through HELL, feeling as if the scrubs were burning my face off. And the detrimental effect of ingesting antibiotics for 2 damn years. I was told.. "Its your hormones, not your diet, you'll grow out of it." What a load of BULL SHIT! Perhaps it had something to do with my unnatural fondness of anything Taco Bell, Taco time, Senor Froggy's.

And now to the biggest "proof" that what we are doing is RIGHT. Oliver is a type 1 diabetic. These last 2 weeks he has been HIGH raw and vegetarian. He is still having coffee with this powdered creamer stuff. We are talking about a VERY brittle diabetic who is used to his normal BS being high in the 200 to low 300's. And often reached very much higher and very much lower. He has had to cut his insulin intake BY HALF! Ok folks. HALF is an awful lot. He is much more stable.. no violent ups and downs. I watched this documentary about a year ago and was astonished that there were alternatives to just "dealing with it" and praying for an insulin pump. This was also about the time I discovered raw food. For the prior 2 years to that my mode of "health" thinking was to get rid of evil carbs. LMAO. Yes yes, this now vegan once did the Atkins diet. (with great success I might add.. but uggh makes me shiver) And I wasn't even EVER a big meat fan. I ate fish and chicken. AND CHEESE. GOD I did love me some cheese.

So to wrap this epic post up, I'm agonizing over how to have family understanding and cooperation. This baby WILL be vegan and WILL be high raw. There is no ifs, ands, butts about it. I wish I could have had this upbringing or at least the knowledge when I was younger. I believe that all the documentaries I have viewed should be shown in schools. Our children's eyes NEED to be opened as to where their food Truly comes from.

Rain rain go away....

I wish you wouldn't come back some day. Brr... I want the sun out. I have to go to a nurse's appointment in about 15 minutes. Just a quick brush up on yesterday's food intake.

Lunch: Was not a juice. Instead we made a HUGE green salad (Romaine, spinach, avocado, sprouts, mung bean sprouts, green apple and tahini) I also had a couple handfuls of these healthier alternative chips.. I can't remember the brand from Freddies, but had only about 4 ingredients and was whole grain... olive flavored.. It had huge chunks of olives baked right in.

Dinner: A few triscuits, sliced carrots dipped into a green dip I made ( Avocado, vegannaise, himalayan pink salt, firm tofu).

Breakfast this morning: Hemp milk, banana, a cup of soy yogurt (raspberry), raw wheat germ, and loads of spinach and a prenatal vitamin.

Snack after the nurse's appt: Juice from the picture above: Kale (beautiful isn't it?), celery, green apples and carrots

I'm going to try to aim to increase my level of raw.. as you can see I'm still leaning on the crutch of cooked food and I've been vegan here for at least a week. I've turned down cheese a couple of occassions!! (woohoo to me)

Blogging is therapy...

in a sense... I'm just letting it ALL out. Good afternoon my not so nonexistent readers. ;) Life is sunny today, I initially thought I would do all these chores around the house and projects I had in, mind and then I decided, Why not just hang out and enjoy this lovely day? I'm not employed and it is Oliver's day off. I had a great in depth conversation with my future mother in law. I've watched my son build a home for ants, I've made an interesting smoothie. I've given love to the doggy who is currently snuggled against my back taking up all my chair and I've given myself time to just unwind. Those dishes may grow mold but I'll do them later. (tee hee).

Pregnancy: A couple embarrassing sore areas that have literally grown another size over night
Skin: Good
Mood: Chill

Food intake:

Breakfast: Juice of 3 oranges, glass of water, and a bar and a half that I found last night at Top Foods. It is Oskri Organics Sesame Bar. (Not raw) It just has 3 organic ingredients: Sesame seeds, date syrup and rice syrup. It had a candy like quality. There is 3 bars in the package and I ate 1 and a half.

Then I had the opportunity to oogle and drool over a FB friend's awesome food intake. Quite delicious looking.

Morning snack: Green smoothie: A packet of Nattos raw enzymes (free sample from Marlene's), banana, flax oil, molasses, and tons and tons of spinach. How I love my spinach. Its kinda scary how much I love spinach. I have visions of a field of spinach and I'm running through it with my hair blowing in the breeze..... lol can we say CHEESY!! (Or spinachy).

Another snack: I had like 2 bites left over from the vegan broccoli slaw.

Lunch: Broccoli, carrot and apple juice.


Here is a great article I found through my many blogs that I am sinfully addicted to. Cheers and hope everyone has had a lovely day.

"You're gonna get FAT" *giggle*

Good morning nonexistent readers of my blog.. ;) I feel fabulous today. Picked up the kids yesterday and they are happy about the impending addition to the family, Oliver was worried they might not be happy but I'm super glad he was wrong. Jake is 5 and spoiled and he's pretty much "whatever." Hanna has been constantly wondering if it will be a girl and how she can help teach the baby to talk.. kinda makes me weepy with happiness...I'm really hoping for a girl.. but its 50/50 and I'm just glad to have this experience. I'm not the nervous first time pregnant mama. I love that I have discovered how to take charge of my own health and how I've traversed the road of nutrition in discovering a raw/vegan lifestyle. I am not 100%raw and I've slipped the last 6 months but I am 100% vegetarian and there is NO threat to that.

My family was surprised I am continuing "this way" of eating now that I'm pregnant. My sister looked on the verge of calling Child Protective Services for saying that the baby WILL be 100%vegan from the get go and high raw from there. Jake is harder not to control but to help educate about health. He has so many conflicting family members. Between time with his dad and other family and MY family.. they feel meat (and doughnuts, chips, candy,pop) is important. He continues to turn meat down at every offer and he does not seem unhappy about it. In fact, he seems to have a healthy confidence about his food choices. When he is with me, he eats loads of fresh fruits and veggies. Sometimes he's not so happy about the veggie part but its important he is exposed to a variety of raw foods. I wish I could impose a high raw vegan lifestyle on Hanna, Ollie and Jake but because their other family counteracts that to the point of FORCING them to eat meat. Hanna told me the other day she wanted to eat less meat but her mom forced her to eat all the meat on her dinner plate. I let them choose when they are with us.. for example we all went out to Pho a while back. We all had tofu (Jake and Hanna included) and Ollie chose beef. I don't tell them what they have to eat but I'm hoping through modeling and explaining why Dad and I have made these choices, they will be able to make their own INFORMED decisions regarding food.

I don't even want to get started on what their school serves and how that will be a pain in my ass and then we have their peers and their influence. Yikes. It will take some tricky navigation, explaining and PATIENCE. :)


So I told the kids I would make them lunch in 15 minutes after I'm done ranting on here and Ollie and Hanna both asked specifically for a green smoothie. I must be doing something right.

I didn't exercise the last two days and I feel like a blob but I'm going to take a very long walk and then do some yoga later. Friday was a not good day for eating. I was at my parents house ALL day long. I had a bag of microwave popcorn, a bagel (no milk or animal products) with fresh strawberry jam and a lil pb. My mom made mashed potatoes and meatloaf for dinner. It made me very queasy to smell.

I opted for mom to give me a couple boiled potatoes before she mashed it with milk and sourcream. Jake had it mashed but passed up the meatloaf. I had a cup of lima beans with it but I didn't know she used margarine in it until after. Then we all went for a walk and went down to the local produce shop. I got fresh cherries, an avocado and kettle chips (salt and vinegar).


Today I've had:

Breakfast: 1 qt of kale, celery, carrot and green apple juice

Lunch: Couple pieces for firm tofu, half an avocado and my vegan broccoli slaw

The curse of the neighbors....

My neighbors to the right of us.. love meat. They so love their meat. They are always frying something that has been slaughtered. Now once upon a time, I would have loved that smell. But really all it takes is a few weeks of consciously choosing to live a compassionate lifestyle free of animal flesh and that smell quickly turns rancid. And now... with my super honed in sense of smell that's due to my sesame seed bundle of joy, its extra gross smelling. I can not IMAGINE ever eating meat. I am more dedicated and have found it the easiest choice I have made regarding my health and my family's health. Both Oliver and mostly Jake choose to remain meat free. Gosh it stinks in my house because I love to have my windows open for fresh air.. but all I'm getting is "meat air!"

Ok enough of my ranting for this morning. On to my newly pregnant changes taking place. Overall I feel GREAT! I notice I am getting fatigued more often. I took a 20 minute walk yesterday with the dog and I was kinda worn out after that and had to rest. No morning sickness (knock on wood), my skin is still looking good, stomach is still bloated. I was a little crampy yesterday but nothing that worried me. The one nasty side effect is my breasts are super duper sore, I mean REALLY sore. Downright shooting pains and I don't want anything touching them, bra included.

I'm going to hang out with my family today and I'm really looking forward to that. So I'm off to make a juice which I am actually desperately craving.... mmmm juice!!! How I love thee.

Up bright and early....

Up at 7:30am in fact. A little unusual for me but hey I feel pretty good. Sun is out so that is a lovely bonus and Jakey got up 5 mins after me. To recap yesterdays food intake.... I did have 1 quart of juice (green apple, celery, romaine and carrot) and then for dinner I made unpolished whole grain brown rice with northern beans. I added a dash of vegannaise for a creamy treat. Then....... I don't know what came over me...we ordered Papa John's. I wanted thin crust to cut back on empty carbs but Oliver wanted regular and I always get thin crust. So we settled on an olive, onion and pineapple pizza. I ate 2 pieces mostly picking at the toppings. I felt overly full and gross afterwards but not going to beat myself up over it.

I think I still feel that its unreal that I'm having a baby again. Not to mention I've been having a terrible bloat the last week or so and my stomach is pooching like I'm 4 months along. This is embarrassing. As much as every pregnant woman wants a tummy to prove it, I know I am wayyyy too early to show and could do without it. *Sigh*


Right now I'm sipping on lemon water then I will have a lovely juice for breakfast. Yesterday we took two walks and today I'm planning on doing light cardio and yoga.

Skin: Pretty good, a few blemishes but not overly noticeable
Mood: Happy

FOOD INTAKE:

Breakfast: Over a quart of celery, carrot and apple juice ( So damn good)

Lunch: Sandwich: Ezekiel bread, tahini, a little vegannaise, sprouts, lettuce, cucumbers, pickles, olives, carrots, tomatoes and the vegan field roast

Also their Green Giant juice: Kale, celery, apple, parsley

Snack before dinner: Green smoothie: 2cups: 1 banana, loads of spinach, frozen mango, flax oil and blackstrap molasses. However my stomach is still grumbling for food.

Dinner: Will be unpolished brown rice, broccoli and beans.

Some worries I've been having are:

1) Being unemployed and pregnant

2.) Having no insurance and the uproar this will cause because if I apply for state aid my ex will be penalized as our divorce is not final

3)Birth- I'm quite traumatized from Jacob's

4.) Being unemployed

5.) My weight. Now I've been struggling for over a year to reach my weight that I was when I first met Oliver. Its been up and down. I'm currently at 128 which I KNOW a doctor will tell me is high for my height. My stomach is already protruding YIKES! I'm not sure if I'm having serious water retention/bloat and it will subside... I'm only a month or so along. I did not physically show with Jake until I was 4 months along. *Sigh*

I've accomplished 40 minutes of gentle yoga and I'm about to go take a walk with the dog before making dinner. Hmmmm... I feel oddly worried and calm at the same time. Very very strange...

Eating healthy just isn't about moi anymore....

Yup. I'm preggers. And health has a new meaning to me. I'm still in a shocked state not that it was a huge shock. Suffice it to say, I now am only wanting to put the best things in my body. I'm guessing I'm only 4 weeks along, I haven't been to the doctor yet and I HAVE NO INSURANCE yet. So that is a big stressor. The last couple days have been an indulgement due to Oliver having his days off, OF COURSE. LOL. We went bowling Monday night on behalf of his work sponsoring a party. They served pizza and tons of baked sugary confections of which we did not partake of. However we were craving noodles before going and stopped at Panda Express. I had noodles, steamed veggies and SHRIMP. Uggh. We both felt icky after eating it. THEN..... they were serving beer at this party and let me tell you I've always hated beer. I have tried a sip here or there but blech it smelled like urine to me. BUT... I don't know what it was Monday night, I actually drank a few beers as it tasted different to me, it was the oddest thing. Perhaps my poppy seed size visitor in my womb had something to do with changing my taste buds.

I found out last night around 7pm and now its 9am. Todays agenda is GREENS GREENS GREENS and water water water.


FOOD INTAKE:

Breakfast: I was actually pretty hungry. I sauteed shallot in extra virgin olive oil, and added cut up tofu and golden delicious apple then topped with Kaia's sprouted sunflower seeds (sweet curry flavor)

Lots of water

Snack: Fresh orange juice (about 3 oranges)

Lunch: We took a walk to our favorite family pho place and I had a medium veggie pho but didn't touch the rice noodles. It just wasn't appealing. But I drank my broth down (mmmm fresh basil and sprouts) and ate the heck out of the tofu and had 1 coconut water. They even add a few pieces of flesh to the drink. Delish.

Snack: 1 organic cantaloupe. Which tasted like cotton candy to me. Hmm weird

More water..

Dinner will be: green juice and if still hungry a green smoothie and more water

What a morning....

Woke up feeling pretty good, made a green smoothie for the whole family as breakfast. Packed Oliver's lunch. Got the kids dressed and ready to go. We were going to take Oliver to work and then the kids were going home to their mom BUT...... it started with our lovely little baby (doggy). She had chewed Ollie's nintendo DS charger cable IN HALF. THEN..... we got into the car and the driver's seat adjustment wouldn't budge and of course it was adjusted to Oliver's height. And I couldn't even reach the gas pedal stretching my tippy toe towards it. Grrr. And I'm dying for some sunshine so I can kick the kids outside. LOL.

Mood: Kinda grumpy
Skin: Starting to look pretty good


Food intake:

Breakfast: Smoothie: Spinach, fresh lemon juice, couple strawberries, couple chunks frozen mango and water and flax oil

Snack: 1 packet of the Lemonade diet (organic) drink mix I got from Marlene's market and deli mixed with about 32 oz water and the juice of one fresh lemon. Very yummy.

Despite the rain.....

that is drenching outside, I feel sunny. Last night was hard around 9pmish with cravings. So I snuggled with Hanna and watched a movie and then ended up falling asleep around 11pmish. I just felt exhausted physically and mentally. Then woke up at 8ish this morning rearing to go!!!!! I've lost those 2 lbs that plagued me from the last couple icky days. I have just started a morning salt water flush. Then my goal is to get in 60 minutes of cardio. I need to sweat. Then I have several organization projects around the house, cleaning, entertaining and feeding the kids. Then Oliver's parents Lisa and Terril are coming over. We are all SUPER excited.

While my dinner is not raw or completely vegan, it will be healthy and hopefully they will like it. I'm making my vegan baby red potato salad, Gardenburger brand Veggie burgers, whole grain buns, regular "hamburger" add ons (tomato, onion, vegannaise, mustard) and cut watermelon for dessert.


Mood: Upbeat and positive
Skin: Brighter, softer, still a couple blemishes but overall looks better

Rest of food intake from last night:
Dinner: Organic kale with some garlic roasted hummus (not raw) and Kaia sprouted sunflower seeds (garlic flavor)

After dinner snack: 1 whole boiled artichoke


TODAY:

Breakfast: 1 organic avocado smooshed with a tad of vegannaise, sprinkled with toasted nori and celery sticks

2nd breakast: Green smoothie: banana, spinach, frozen cranberries, and a tsp of black-strap
molasses

Did 2 works outs (30 mins cardio, 30 mins yoga)

Lunch: Diced banana drizzled with organic orange juice and stuffed into romaine leaves. 2 more orange slices

snack: leftover roasted garlic hummus (not raw), Just ate it with a spoon.

Renewal...

I've recently been purchasing more organic produce the more educated I assume I am becoming. And I think it is safe to say that, at least to my palate, there is definitely a taste discrepancy. Why are people eating regular?? There is no flavor!!! On the other side, I am having to buy less fresh produce. I'm still looking for that budgetary balance that feeds 5 people. I'll blog about it when I figure it out. Right now Hanna is chasing butterflies and Ollie won't unglue his face from his Nintendo ds. And I am seriously trying to motivate myself into working out.

It has been two days since I've blogged and judging by that you know that I've had some cooked gross food. Those happened to also be Oliver's days off. Hmmm connection? We had jajamen (chinese black bean noodle dish) last night and I literally suffered a food hangover this morning. I think I could have slept another 11 hours.

But I KNEW I had to get back on track so I peeled myself out of bed and made a huge green juice for Oliver and I. About a quart each. Then packed his lunch for work. Then filled up the gas tank. Then took him to work. Then took Jake and I to get a snack on the way to Shoreline to pick up the kids. Then dropped Jake off with his dad for the night. Then home. Cleaned house a bit. Played farmville (Facebook app) to de-stress for a few minutes. Made the kids and I lunch. Thinking I'm going to fire up the old cardio and a bit of yoga. Then play with the kids. Then figure out/make dinner. Then wait to pick up Oliver from work. Wow I got a little carried away there.


Mood: Tired, wanting
Skin: A few blemishes

FOOD:
Breakfast: Juice of organic kale, organic golden delicious apples, celery and organic romaine leaves

Snack: Salad at Marlene's market: Spinach, carrots, olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, about 2-3 pieces of their tofu (very very tiny), sprouts galore, and tahini dressing

Lunch: 1 organic avocado mushed up with Vegannaise (the grapeseed oil one SOOO GOOD), Kaia sprouted sunflower seeds Garlic flavor, some toasted nori flakes (not raw) and 1 kale leaf. And about 3 strips of organic tofu

Relapse... somewhat?

Yesterday was a great day for the fact that I got Oliver to work out with me. We did 10 minutes leg exercises to get the blood flowing and then 20 minutes of yoga. I attempted to do a cardio after that but only made it 10 minutes before burning out. Then we treated ourselves to veggie pho. I have to say that will be a hard meal to give up when going 100percent raw. I made it vegan all day until.................. later that evening we both started feeling mucho cravings and restlessness. And that devil on my shoulder completely took over and we went to taco bell.

So yesterday's recap on food

Lunch: Veggie pho

Snack: some Kaia sprouted sunflower seeds (curry flavor) few strawberries

Dinner/evilness: Taco Bell: 2.5 cheese rollups and 2 sides of rice


This morning I woke up with a blemish on my chin.. how's that for proof that Taco Bell was not in any way, shape, or form good for me.

I drug myself out of bed, actually felt like sleeping more, my stomach was very bloated. I guzzled down a salt water flush and lots of water. Waited. It did its thing.

Breakfast: Organic strawberries ( I believe the taste spectacularly shines over non organic), a ripe banana, 8oz of almond milk and tons of spinach

More water

About to do a vigorous cardio then start the day's errands.

Strawberry heaven....

Woke up this morning brimming over with motivation. Literally jumped out of bed (doggy needed to go out). I thought about doing a SWF (salt water flush) but it didn't sound too appealing. So I drank a couple glasses of water then made carrot/orange juice. Love love love it. Although it does leave a nice orange mustache that I hadn't noticed until I got into the car.

Had a lovely lunch with my son at Marlene's Market and Deli. I had a half sandwich and he chose the salad bar.

Updates:

Skin: Still looking pretty good, felt a bit dry this morning.
Emotions: So-so. Last night was hard on the cravings but I just had black beans mashed up and stuffed into romaine leaves.

Food:

Breakfast: Carrot/orange juice (About 13 carrots and 4 oranges)

Lunch: Half sandwich at Marlene's. Ezekiel bread (uses sprouted grains, no flour), half an avocado, tahini dressing, cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, vegan field roast slices, lettuce
I also had the Green Giant juice: celery, kale, apple, parsley and broccoli


Snack: 2 large organic strawberries. I can't even describe the bliss.

Backward steps and forward..again..

This weekend started out with the best of intentions that quickly fell to the wayside. It started Saturday night. It was Mom's birthday party which included going to a bar and a dance club (Great American, I used to work there). I think I had 3 different types of alcohol, (thanks DAD) LOL. Besides the dietary snafu's it was a sheer blast. Oliver and I really haven't gotten out like that in well.... forever. He even got up on the dance floor with me. Big brownie points ( I mean kale points) for him. We ordered fried mozzarella and I think I ate them all by myself or may have tried to bite a hand that tried to take one.

I was an insatiable calorie cheese monster. On the way I made Oliver stop at Taco bell and proceeded to binge on 3 cheese roll ups, a side order of rice AND a caramel apple empanada. Uggh.. ugghh uggggh.

Sunday was not even better. But it is a new day....

Good morning

Good morning to myself. I prevailed last night. Jakey and I were feeling snacky last night. Here's a great snack to make. We cut up a banana and green apple, drizzled the juice of one orange over it and then wrapped them in crisp romaine leaves. It was a fun fruity "burrito." It got rave reviews from the 5 year old. As the night progressed, I started to feel restless and mentally hungry for something warm and gooey. Namely, CHEESE. So My brain protests vigorously that it is nasty nasty stuff but my id on my shoulder kept yelling GO TO TACO BELL, its UBER CHEAP. And you can lay in bed with your man and hog out to t.v. Did I go? Nope. Did I sleep well. Nope, I freaking tossed and turned with weird dreams. But upon waking this morning.. I feel victorious and looking at myself in the mirror reaffirmed my desire for health (and looks).

Skin: Awesome
Mood: Enthusiastic
Weight: Holding at only 4lbs lost

FOOD:
Big glass of water with calcium/magnesium supplement. Free sample from Marlenes. It is Natural Vitality (organic) and delicious

Breakfast: Smoothie: Banana, mango, spinach and raw cacao powder from my free win from Sunfood. Beautiful smoothie. Tastes kinda minty.

Took Oliver to work then decided to try the SWF. Salt Water Flush. I'm just gonna say one word about it, WOW. That took some time out of my day but I felt fabulous after and I even got in a 30 minute workout.

Lunch: I wasn't really hungry but felt I should eat something after sweating like that and considering I have quite a drive in a bit to pick up the kids. So I had one avocado chopped up and stuffed into romaine leaves. I seem to be obsessed with romaine leaves. They tasted so sweet today I thought there was something wrong with them.

Juicy juicy juicy...

Things have been going pretty good, as I type this I am sipping on a kale, celery, romaine and green apple juice. Feeling okay, not particularly motivated to work out today. However my parents have decided to take all the kids to the Wolf Lodge so I must be in bathing suit shape in less than a month. Eeks. It was pretty hard today when fixing Jake some black beans not to indulge as well but since I haven't had a completely 100 percent raw day I am aiming for that. Last night we indulged in some vodka and in my blissfully dumb state I ordered pizza. UGGHHH! This could account for the not wanting to work out today as I kinda feel icky. I am actually really interested in trying the Master Cleanse, for a couple reasons. 1) I do feel like I need more of a detox 2) I do have some weight to lose and 3.) It should really cut down on the food bill for a while. LOL

So far today's food intake

Breakfast: 1 organic cantaloupe. Positively the best thing ever, it was green and so damn good. I'm never buying a regular cantaloupe again.

Snack: 1 avocado

Lunch: Smoothie ( Banana, mango, cranberries, and some living green powder)

Snack: 1 small piece of raw cacao butter from Sunfood.

Early dinner: This green juice: kale, green apple, romaine and celery

Dinner: Oliver came home from work on dinner break craving veggie pho . So we had veggie pho. Delicious.

Weekend come and gone...

It was a very busy weekend, keeping up with the kids. While I ate fairly well, it was not what I had aimed for. I kept up with at least one fresh juice a day and smoothies. I made spaghetti Saturday night for the kids (whole wheat) and had a pretty small serving but I did add Parmesan cheese. Darn that wicked cheese. I'm completely in love with just barely sauteed bok choy. As we come to the end of our groceries, not much left after the weekend, options are getting slimmer. However I did create something absolutely fabulous. I've been continuing on with the working out, kudos to me. I wanted a raw meal that was BIG. So I grabbed whatever veggies were left over and put them together. I recommend trying this. Finely chop celery, rip up some romaine leaves, add a handful of sprouts and coat with a tablespoon of vegannaise. ASTOUNDING and satifying. I also added a few shakes of dried seaweed to flavor (not raw I know).

You know that feeling you get when you get home from grocery shopping and you see your bounty in the fridge and on the counter? I get this lovely sense of health. But I have to say I hate watching it dwindle. LOL. Especially when you have to wait to buy more.

Todays bounty:

Breakfast: Juice of 6 carrots and 2 oranges
Chewed on one celery 20 mins later. Worked out.

Snack: My celery mixture. I think I could eat a couple pounds of that.


More stuff: Woke up pretty energized, skin is still clear and even though the scale is not showing a decrease I feel slimmer. WOOHOO!

Minus 4 lbs..

Woke up this morning profoundly grateful I didn't order a pizza. It was a minor craving that pales in comparison to how I feel this morning. I feel well.. pretty. LOL. I have a super busy day today, getting the kids and Jakey is graduating from preschool. I need my energy. The rain is back which stinks. Weighed myself and I'm def down 4 lbs. My legs are definitely feeling strong from workout, I find walking is more enjoyable, like I'm grounding myself. I know that sounds weird, but I feel it. It is very eye opening the role of food on our health and emotions and how a craving can disregard what education you have. Like last night, I'm a little disappointed with adding a touch of Parmesan cheese since I'm trying to remain vegan right now. I know the evils of dairy YET in my emotional state of craving I HAD TO HAVE IT! But oh well, I'm moving on..


Breakfast: The juice of two oranges and two honey tangerines. Refreshing and zippy.

Searching......

This last almost 2 weeks has been very interesting and optimistic. I've been almost all raw, with the exceptions about 2 times indulging in comfort food. I've been working out like a maniac and LOVING IT! The hardest is always yo-yoing back and forth but when I get a good 3 days of regular working out, it becomes enjoyable and I'm noticing the difference in the way my body looks and feels. I really do want health for my family and I. Getting Oliver on the work out train is frustrating and he needs it more than me (Type 1 diabetic). I love when he says "when I get my BS under more control" however according to the literature I've read working out LOWERS BS. I do understand that you aren't supposed to work out with high BS as it will raise it higher but I know for certain he's had times when his blood sugar is good and he can work out!!! Ok enough grumping on that.

The biggest and bestest outcome thus far is my skin. I've ALWAYS had issues with my face and its very susceptible to stress and breakouts. Nope, even though there is daily stress due to this whole unemployment thing, my face is practically glowing. No breakouts, in fact my skin tone is evening out, I'm noticing a lessening in faint scars. My pores are shrinking and well it just feels heck a smooth. I've switched also to using almost all vegan body products and if I run out, I do without instead of using the chemical laden crap out there.

Another great byproduct would be weight loss. Yes, I'm going to say it I have gained nasty weight. I hit 130!!! On my small frame, NOT GOOD! I haven't been that weight since college, lol. I could not comfortably wear any jeans that I owned. I found one baggy size 7 (EEEEKKKKKK) and those were tight. Let me say EMBARRASSING! I'm right now jiggling back and forth between 126 and 128, sounds minor but doesn't feel minor. I know its water weight. But the jeans now fit comfortably.

And this is on a MOSTLY raw diet, I have been indulging in cooked tofu, beans and on one occasion stupid pizza.

I have finished listening to the China Study on audiocd by T. Colin Campbell.
Absolutely stunning. Just like Earthlings sprung me into vegetarianism, I am definitely falling into veganism with the hopes of continuing almost all raw.

I have been utilizing this site to get a feel for my caloric intake, although you have to pay to see the nutrient breakdown. Lame. I'm going to once again attempt to log my food intake since it will help with accountability. And I will continue to keep blogging in my own little world here.

Today's feast:

Breakfast: Juice of kale, celery, basil, green apple, red apple, and broccoli

Lunch: Oliver made yumminess. Stir fried tofu, portabello mushroom, onion, and baby bok choy. I do believe he used mushroom stir fried sauce which probably has your standard high fructose corn syrup. I ate approximately 1 1/2 cup. So a small serving. But it did the job.

I worked out for over an hour (2 separate, one cardio, one toning)

Then I had half a banana and some oolong tea.

Late lunch: Half a salad (romaine, kimchee, sprouts, lime juice) Took half an avocado and smooshed it with a lil vegannaise and himalayan salt. delish

Dinner: The rest of the salad, handful of Kaia sprouted sunflower seeds, and an orange

Snack: Handful of Kaia sprouted sunflower seeds

Then around 10ish I started to crave something warm and comforting. I actually starting craving a spinach alfredo think crust pizza.. BLECH!!!! I had to fight it really hard. I settled for half an avocado with a lil vegannaise and a TOUCH of parmesan cheese and I cut up some tofu strips to dip in this avo mix. It satisfied and I survived!!!! :)

I feel strong. I feel glowing. I think I will have a green juice again for dinner. I'm really tinkering with the idea of a juice feast but I don't want to set myself up for failure. I'm going to set this out in incremental goals.

Goal 1: Completely vegan for two weeks (starting today) so today til June 17
Goal 2: Completely raw for two weeks June 17-July 1
Goal 3: Evaluate and decide if juicing is desirable

here i go again.....

Yeah I'm going to forget the last two days because I can...


This morning:


Breakfast: Watermelon and 1 celery stalk with natural organic pb on it.

Monday Monday...

Breakfast: left over vegan potato salad. yum

Lunch: Veggie pho (does the soul good)

Sunday Sunday....

Fun Sunday morning, got the kids up early to go to my cousin's 10th birthday party. Made a breakfast smoothie for everyone.


Breakfast: Coconut milk, frozen banana, few frozen peach slices and lots of spinach

Snack at the party: 1 small bag of popcorn and about two gulps of orange soda

Lunch: Subway 6 inch seafood with loads of veggies

Snack: (cringe) 1 bag of TGIF mozzarella sticks chips (had a long drive to take kids home) and sparkling water

Dinner: Made vegan potato salad: red potato, vegannaise, celery, pickles, corn

Snack: This is TOTALLY Oliver's doing, he went to the store and brought home those small tostino's cheese pizza's. Ate 1 all by myself

Summer is motivating....

Alright posting my caloric intake to help me stay on track.

My goal is not to do 100% raw but as healthy as possible until I can comfortably transition into that



Breakfast: Green Apple, water ok and 2 bites of Hanna's pancakes smothered with peanut butter (all natural pb)

Lunch: 2 slices olive/tomato cheese pizza (was helping the parents move) half a can of pepsi which is disgusting!!!

Dinner: Spinach salad, red bell pepper, roma tomato, cilantro, kale, parsley, celery, himalayan salt (pinch), a dash of tahini, and a smooshed avocado and lots more water because I feel dehydrated.

Snack: orange, one big celery with natural pb

2nd dinner LOL: 2 cut up and roasted red potatoes in olive oil with vidalia onion and red bell pepper mmmmmmm mmmm yum

Loving Pandora....

The radio station that is, although I very much enjoyed Pandora in the movie Avatar, or the Anne Rice Novel, or the Greek mythological character.

The most stable thing in our diet lately is no meat (2 plus months free), which feels extremely natural. We're still working on the dairy, but I can not stand the sight of milk, and cheese is still a hard one to give up well and butter.

I've been working out regularly this last week and half and boy do I feel it. Gets those happy endorphins going which lately has been much needed. Good news on the home front, Oliver got a job and starts today. YAY.

Gonna attempt to post meals as to keep myself aware of what I shove in my face.

Keeping on keeping on..

Just a tad bit shy of one month since watching that film, and while I am not vegan, I am vegetarian. Haven't once had a bite of meat, actually makes me queasy smelling it and BOY those smells are pervasive with the amount of fast food chains.. just a wafting down the street. So I've managed to lose 1 pound but gain an excess of health issues while my goal at aiming at only one cooked meal a day has slipped to 2, 3, maybe 4 meals a day. I keep examining my patterns well and my family's patterns. Budget plays a HUGE factor. The more cooked (and unhealthy) I eat, the more depressed, the more I crave greasy nasty comfort food to fill that void. And its a downward spiral, enraged by Oliver's ups and downs with his blood sugar. Not to mention now the struggle with Jacob's father over vegetarianism which seems to be more of an issue to him than me wanting Jake to eat high raw. It's like he and my parents are shoving meat at him to spite me. Its so very frustrating and considering the fact that NONE of us has health insurance anymore, we should be uber conscious of our health. I keep thinking if I could just be more creative with raw...... if I could just squeeze more money out of the budget.... if I could just be less stressed and depressed about life... if if if if.. the list goes on. I feel like I'm going to bust. I feel as if the whole world (ok exaggeration!!!) depends on me providing. And I want so many things for my family, health and happiness. But it is very tiring and I want to hide under a rock.

Green thoughts..

Good morning to myself. The sunshine is a great healer and motivator. I keep playing games with myself and never quite sticking to what I want to accomplish in this raw food odyssey. I watched a very enlightening film the other day that has set me straight on the path to veganism like never before. I know raw entails veganism, (well at least it should!) So instead of beating myself up over eating something cooked, if I do (which I'm eating uber amounts of beans and cooked onions) it will be VEGAN. The awesome part about this is Oliver jumped on board really fast. So I'm aiming for all raw except one meal which right now I'm obsessed with this: Organic mixed beans with sauteed onions, chopped roma tomato and a couple handfuls of spinach warmed just a tad to make it mix in beautifully. I might add a dash of Braggs or a spoonful of tomato paste for extra flavor.

So I'm setting a goal as my 27th birthday is around the corner, I have less than a month to be fabulous (to myself lol). I want to lose 10lbs which I know is more than doable if I'm eating mostly raw. I'm currently 121 lbs. Eeek. My treat to myself will be to have my birthday meal at this Vegan restaurant in Seattle that also has a raw menu. This is a strong motivator as my parents have bred in me to love eating out. I associate it with good family times.

So I've accomplished one Jillian Michaels workout and for the time being I want to add a 2nd workout into my routine (yoga) sometime after dinner. So 2 workouts a day!!

MENU/SCHEDULE:

Breakfast: Half a grapefruit (was in a hurry to get kiddo to school)

Workout 30 mins. WOOT

Snack: Green smoothie basic: banana, few slices of frozen peach, flax oil and spinach

Roller Coaster Ride

While I'm a great huge tremendously BIG fan of them, I'm not quite sure I'm enjoying the ride of eating habits. My last post was ripe with hope and good work and then yesterday we had a spoil day. Ok so maybe the last 2 days....It is true, the more junk you eat, the more you crave it, but it sure does not make you feel good. I'm going to keep it more green today. The smoothie I had this morning was just water, oranges, frozen banana, and spinach. LOTS O' SPINACH! Already feeling great from it.

I heard on NPR this morning while driving back from taking Jakey to preschool, that a couple fast food chains in LA are now accepting EBT. Enough said right there. Disgusting.


TODAY'S YUMMINESS:

Breakfast: Smoothie- 1 frozen banana, 2 small oranges, lots and lots of spinach, water, flax oil

Snack: Lacinato kale, cucumber, celery, parsley, and green apple juice

Lunch: terrific spoil: I went to Marlene's market and deli and got a salad.. Assorted leafy greens, spinach, sprouts, tomatoes, bell peppers, edamame, olives, artichoke, beets, shredded carrots, corn, with tahini dressing (pretty sure not raw but too fab to pass up).

Snack: Mango that I nearly died over, it was so juicy. I wanted mooooorreeee.
Snack: leftover raw coconut icecream blended with frozen strawberries, coconut butter and almond milk for the BEST strawberry shake around

Dinner: (NOT RAW) roasted butternut squash with coconut butter (raw), evoo, and a pinch of cinammon

and lots and lots of water, with lemon juice cuz I love lemons.

THEN: After reviewing the budget and realize there are some major ickiness involved, I allowed myself to feel self pity and a moment of OMG we can't afford this because tomorrow we have to spend a very small amount to feed 5 of us for the next two weeks. Then catching negative vibes from Oliver fed fuel to the cooked fire.

Plus I was feeling cold all day, so I warmed up a bit of jasmine rice, evoo, and some fake meat.. (mostly veggie substance) and had about 5 little shortbread cookies that I had hidden a while back. LOL!!

Few pounds lighter....

The last few days have gone by in a blur.. we've continued to fight against unhealthy tendencies and for the most part have prevailed!!!! We've shut down the urge to eat out. My appetite has shrunk but in a good way and I'm happy to say I am a few pounds lighter although I haven't weighed myself. Its just something I notice when I put on my clothes. And I've noticed that my attitude of wanting to hide inside and stay isolated from friends and family is starting to melt away. I've just felt inadequate with the whole money/no job situation. And my one downfall is embarrassment. I'm a sucker for it and have a hard time getting over it.

It could be the possibility of a good job that came up, albeit it would require major life changing decisions. It would require moving 4 hours away from my family. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of that just yet. But perhaps that has peaked my self esteem, and I definitely attribute it to changes in our eating lifestyle.

I feel cleaner, lighter, more energetic, and prone to happier moods. We went shopping yesterday at Pal-Do world. Love it there. Got up this morning EXCITED to look at the array of fruits and veggies. There is something about a well displayed fruit bowl on my counter that makes me giddy.

And to top it off, the attitude that is being passed on to our kids. Last night I offered to make jake rice and beans for dinner and he said "naaa, I want a smoothie mom, Can I make my own?"
His included (of his own free will): Banana, orange juice, spinach, FLAX OIL, and frozen pineapple." He guzzled that down and had a happy look of satisfaction on his beautiful face. And now I understand Shazzie's concept of ecstatic beings.

Continued honesty even when its embarrassing...

Yesterday had a fabulous start, we had 3 juices (kale, cucumber, celery, and carrot) and tons of water. Then there were issues with my grandma coming home from the hospital, just a big stressful time and we were out the door running around like busy bees (didnt take any food with us). Oliver's bloodsugar got low, I was on freak out mode, on top of trying to grocery shop for Gram and pick up her prescriptions, the kids were hungry. I suggested Odwalla super green juice (the best choice I could make considering where we were) but he poo-pooed the idea because of the price, also refused the idea of any other juice... picked up ice cream, then we bantered the idea of stopping for fast food.. Because I tell you by then I wanted a little comfort (really should be discomfort). We dropped the stuff with gram, I spent some time talking to her. I love the heck out of that woman and she's in pain and her eating habits are ATROCIOUS and she is on so many medications (like 25 at a time).

So considering we are on a very very strict budget... and by now we were wretchedly starving and Oliver was dealing with recovering from low blood sugar and the kids were "huuuuunnnnngggry" neither of us saw ourselves preparing something in the kitchen so we stopped at..... .Jack in the Box.. A truly horrid horrid HORRID choice but everyone was briefly happy as we consumed that greasy fried flesh and carbs. It was disgusting and I keep wondering how I can do this to my family AND myself.

Oliver woke up this morning with swollen glands and a nasty sore throat and I feel icky. I immediately jumped up, consumed some chia seeds and made us a very very spinach focused smoothie. We only have enough fresh veggies for 1 juice and wont have money for groceries until Wednesday, so I plan on eating whatever frozen veggies we have lightly steamed.

I keep waiting for the day when Im not sharing all the disasters we are having on our health food oddyssey.

Honesty..

So tomorrow I will post pictures to show where I'm at physically. Let's talk the rest though, today was stressful, my gram is in the hospital. We drove up to Shoreline to get the kids for the weekend and I was RAVENOUS after eating organic pinto beans (cooked I know BUT HEALTHY) and I had this vegan fake meat thingy which I'm reading Dr. N.W. Walker's book Vibrant Health and realizing perhaps that's is worse than FLESH MEAT. We felt negative and went to Fred Meyer for food, and guess what I ended up buying. A stupid sandwich, (we also bought fruit). I ate through half the sandwich and felt like a wretch, my stomach hurt and I ended up gobbling the fruit (kiwi and strawberries) and was much happier.

I am heavier weight wise than I have been since college where my diet consisted of Senior Froggy's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My exercise regimen has been nonexistent due to sheer laziness and sickness. My skin looks like an adolescent and my moods are PMS like. I feel stifled and I want the raw joy I felt last summer when we were raw. I feel like the answer is so close and its within my means, I just have to overcome my own BRAIN. We spoke to the kids tonight about changing our eating habits next weekend and they were very receptive. Such great kids. I showed them a little cartoon I found on youtube called "The Meatrix" and although they still think eating meat is ok, I just want at this juncture to encourage healthy thinking and let them make their own decisions. We can't expect them to jump into complete raw veganism when Oliver and I haven't reached that point ourselves. Also we have their other families to contend with and currently Jake's dad is on the Atkins so MEAT GALORE. Jake said to me, "I'll just go my dad's and have LOTS of lunch meat."
I don't want to use scare tactics or make them feel guilty for consuming meat. I just want to open their eyes and I explained that Oliver and I wanted to feel/BE healthy.

This is Hanna's blog on health......

I think we should eat meat that has been treated good and eat good healthy food and a lot of stuff we should eat food from farms and we should pick it. And I really really really think we should eat better. (Compliments of Hanna)


Hanna: Age 7

Putting words into action...

I've been whining about it and this morning I actually got up and did something about it. I'm still mulling over a lot of things about life and health.. and where my passions lie and the best path to follow them. BUT....


This morning I actually got up, threw on some sneakers, grabbed the ipod and made myself EXERCISE! The air was crisp and it kind of made my cough worse but I managed 25 mins of a brisk walk around my neighborhood. I'm hating all the cooked food we bought yesterday at grocery outlet and I have this powerful urge to chuck it all out (well donate it) and bring in the veggies but budget does not permit this. We'll have to wait til next grocery shopping spree. I've managed to consume a cup of chia seeds in water, some spirulina and a green smoothie. (almond milk-not raw, raspberries, peaches, spinach, flax oil, and raw cacao).

Isn't it funny, the more unhealthy you get and depressed the less you drink water and take vitamins!! The most basic healthy things you can do for yourself get tossed to the wayside. So my goal today is to up the water intake since that ALWAYS has a great affect and continue with the vitamins. (Heck, I've invested so much time and money into finding the ones that I like and believe in).

TTFN. More exciting news in the misadventures of aspiring raw foodists to come.

inklings of excitement..

tiny tendrils of motivation and a whirl of thoughts storming through my mind.. i came across this motivational blogger/entrepreneur website through an ex coworker's brother's article on his blog. This site led me to this individual who touted creating your life without conforming to society's 9-5 model. Then I read that he also aspires to raw food-ism and I about jumped off the bed in happiness. I've been re-reading/researching raw food family sites and I just crave change. I crave throwing out all the cooked food in the house and exploring raw food on our budget.. we've let that hinder our health. "We can't afford that!" But really Oliver hit it home for me tonight. We had gone to grocery outlet for groceries and because it was SUPER cheap, he made onion rings and bbq wings for his dinner. Guess how he feels now?? LOL

I have David Wolfe on in the background, everything he says and the more I read, it just resonates with what I want and feel is right.

I'm thinking.. and its cloudy but .. there is possibility here.

Nasty tendencies...

So we're out the door early this morning, tons of errands to run, did not make the time to have a breakfast smoothie. I'm still feeling pretty horrible, really thinking maybe I should go to the doctor except I haven't had a fever and the cough is getting better but I feel so fatigued and the nose feels like its about to erupt. Without a second thought, we realize we're hungry and we need food now, where do we go?? ARBY's. I consumed a beef and cheddar sandwich and watched in defeat as my son scarfed down curly fries and a beef sandwich. I promised myself that that would be it. So back to running around town, end up at the dollar store... and what do we purchase?? CANDY!! Because its cheap and comes in these colorful packages that sparkle and shine and its sour candy..

Then we come home and I received the rest of my w-2s and find out that I owe the government money that I don't have and I'm very close to chucking my laptop at the wall in frustration and self pity and I don't know how to make this better and the phone calls from the debt collectors continue and I want to scream... and scream some more. And Oliver needs insulin, and I should probably go to the doctor and and and and.... the kids need a bigger home.. all 3 sharing a room is catastrophic. And Oliver's ex is sitting on a couple thousand in tax return yet won't pay A DIME for the divorce and it makes my blood boil.. I mean REALLY boil that for the last 2 years, I have payed gas, groceries, housing and when we are experiencing difficulties she won't offer ANYTHING. Nor does she even have to worry about transportation, we pay that.

Phewww breathe. Ok I'm breathing. My son is sitting on my foot without even noticing.. LOL these are trivial frustrations, I'll keep my eye on the bigger picture, it just feels as if I keep trying to break the surface only to be dragged deeper into the abyss of adulthood. There are so many things I miss... I miss my old job, very much, I miss my coworkers (most of them anyway LOL), I miss the paycheck and that feeling of providing and so much opportunity I had to pull myself out of debt, offer Jake good things and yet in many ways I am SO glad to be home with him everyday I just need to get out of this fog of depression. He's told me he doesn't want me to ever go back to work. :)

MSW and juice

Woke up this morning and felt driven about schooling. Found out the online school I was looking at is accredited after all by the important powers that be. Half-way through the unemployment schooling paperwork and I feel really good about it. I want to start this fall. I NEED to start this fall. Its a 2 year degree and a lovely pay bump according to all the job searches I have done. There is no room for negativity on this, like Nike I'll just "do it."

Had a huge smoothie this morning: frozen strawberries, raspberries, banana, spinach, low carb shake, raw cacao and water. Then had a juice mid morning: Kale, cucumber, and carrot. Followed by a veggie burger because I made them for the kids. Tomorrow I'd like to add some exercise if my nose/head will allow, its kind of throbbing right now but at least my attitude is better than yesterday.

I'm thinking I may post my body weight and do pictures and then I can track progress but not sure yet.. I know being in a relationship tends to add some poundage to a woman but I can't fit into ANY of my pre-relationship clothing. What a downer I tell you.
Later I shall post a picture of the wicked burn I received while cooking the kids evil cooked food.....

Time to review and re dedicate....

Life in review on this somewhat sunshiny Sunday afternoon. Life continues to be topsy turvy wavy splishy splashy. 27 looms disgustingly close and there are days when I look at where I am and I feel like crying. Sometimes in joy sometimes in frustration. Learning to adapt to my new family and what it means to be the parent of 3 children instead of 1. This constant being sick has not helped, I feel helpless. Between dealing with ex wives/husbands (ok not ex's still need those damn divorces, curses they are so expensive), attitudes and growing pains, financial woes, health issues, and this damn economic depression, it leaves one feeling like running away. I just need something and I can't name it or describe it.

Family dynamics have changed considerably both in my own and in my new. I have so many desires and wants and sometimes I feel I have to reconcile the fact that it doesn't fit into my new reality. I feel as if there is a cloud hovering above my head, perhaps thats the cold medicine in my system and continously aching chest, so I know my health needs to tackled and hard. And ABOVE all else, my partner's health and if I can motivate and carry through with my own regimen, then nagging him into it again will be less like nagging, I suppose.

I keep juggling the notion of "small changes" vs "radical makeover" and perhaps it will do me good both physically and mentally to stick to something so rigorous. Perhaps it will empower me to examine more whats going on with me and find some peace.

Tomorrow will be juices and smoothies only.

Cucumber juice...

Feeling better today, easily fatigued though. Eating today has been pretty good, smoothie for breakfast, cucumber apple juice for snack. Did have left over lasagna for lunch with the kids but then opted for frozen raspberries for snack (ok and 3 of Oliver's potstickers) and a can of fruit with no sugar added. Small steps, I tell ya, small steps.

Food for thought

And the sickness continues, I feel like a broken record. But this morning I made a smoothie and that always seems to help. It consisted of: Banana, frozen raspberries, spinach, a low carb protein shake, raw cacao, and water. Super filling.


I had a cooked lunch but I could not taste much of it. Chatting with Ansley today, I felt inspired to not have a cooked dinner and I'm munching on more frozen raspberries. I think I'll have carrot juice later. It just feels so right, and I know my goal is to be as close to possible to 100% raw but I also have to allow for flexibility.

So Ansley says she will be joining me on this excursion. Yippee.

And again...

I have never been this sick so consecutively as I have been the last 2 months. One sickness after another. Currently I am battling a sore throat with body aches that came out of nowhere (fingers crossed its not strep) while not more than 4 days prior I had a sudden onset of stomach cramps and unpleasantness that lasted with me not being able to eat anything for a couple days. Now I've read in the gazillion hours I have dedicated to reading raw blogs, articles and forums that raw is supposed to be cheap but really a family of 5 has a hard time paying for the pounds and pounds of raw yummies that one would need to keep at 100percent raw. Not to mention and I know I have ranted on this before the battles of one's mindset. Kids are bombarded (ok and adults) junk/fast food ads and when one is forced to scour Grocery Outlet for enough food to keep the small army of ravenous children at bay, those 3 for $1dollar boxes of macaroni&cheese wins over the bag of apples that quite really will rot in 1 day. I highly suggest NOT ever purchasing produce from Grocery Outlet.

As I reread this rant, another voice in my head clamors for attention. Its our duty as parents to raise our children healthy and happy and its hard for me to reconcile that the way I believe/feel we should be eating is not how we are currently eating because we can not afford it. Yet how can I justify not being able to afford "our health"?

Btw, why is it cheaper for a loaf of white bread than say a pound of celery? In the long run the celery will fill you more (with vitamins) but I can make like 8-10 pbj sandwiches. Grrr frustrates the heck out of me.

Now let's review mood. Oh my dear goodness, food is a huge proponent of where your brain is at. I find the more I struggle with the highcost of good for you food and the more bad for me food I ingest, my (and Oliver's) mindset has consequently suffered. Which serves to depress me even further as he is someone who really needs to not eat "bad" food. And since this is my ranting blog, I would like to add that Type 1 diabetes is evil and should be destroyed.

Ok so moving on, mood goes to heck, health goes to heck, what is the fix? I worry that I'm just not that good at budgeting and perhaps eating raw is doable but I'm just messing it up. I want so many things for my family. And their health and happiness is top priority.

It is at times like these that I feel helpless and crave stupid comfort food even though I KNOW they just contribute to a downward spiral. It's a horrible addiction because despite knowing the adverse consequences I still crave it and would eat it if it were around.

So to wrap this up, I'm struggling as it seems I have been since last year with staying on track. But I shall persevere and keep looking for options and opportunities to find balance and happiness.