Green thoughts..

Good morning to myself. The sunshine is a great healer and motivator. I keep playing games with myself and never quite sticking to what I want to accomplish in this raw food odyssey. I watched a very enlightening film the other day that has set me straight on the path to veganism like never before. I know raw entails veganism, (well at least it should!) So instead of beating myself up over eating something cooked, if I do (which I'm eating uber amounts of beans and cooked onions) it will be VEGAN. The awesome part about this is Oliver jumped on board really fast. So I'm aiming for all raw except one meal which right now I'm obsessed with this: Organic mixed beans with sauteed onions, chopped roma tomato and a couple handfuls of spinach warmed just a tad to make it mix in beautifully. I might add a dash of Braggs or a spoonful of tomato paste for extra flavor.

So I'm setting a goal as my 27th birthday is around the corner, I have less than a month to be fabulous (to myself lol). I want to lose 10lbs which I know is more than doable if I'm eating mostly raw. I'm currently 121 lbs. Eeek. My treat to myself will be to have my birthday meal at this Vegan restaurant in Seattle that also has a raw menu. This is a strong motivator as my parents have bred in me to love eating out. I associate it with good family times.

So I've accomplished one Jillian Michaels workout and for the time being I want to add a 2nd workout into my routine (yoga) sometime after dinner. So 2 workouts a day!!

MENU/SCHEDULE:

Breakfast: Half a grapefruit (was in a hurry to get kiddo to school)

Workout 30 mins. WOOT

Snack: Green smoothie basic: banana, few slices of frozen peach, flax oil and spinach

Roller Coaster Ride

While I'm a great huge tremendously BIG fan of them, I'm not quite sure I'm enjoying the ride of eating habits. My last post was ripe with hope and good work and then yesterday we had a spoil day. Ok so maybe the last 2 days....It is true, the more junk you eat, the more you crave it, but it sure does not make you feel good. I'm going to keep it more green today. The smoothie I had this morning was just water, oranges, frozen banana, and spinach. LOTS O' SPINACH! Already feeling great from it.

I heard on NPR this morning while driving back from taking Jakey to preschool, that a couple fast food chains in LA are now accepting EBT. Enough said right there. Disgusting.


TODAY'S YUMMINESS:

Breakfast: Smoothie- 1 frozen banana, 2 small oranges, lots and lots of spinach, water, flax oil

Snack: Lacinato kale, cucumber, celery, parsley, and green apple juice

Lunch: terrific spoil: I went to Marlene's market and deli and got a salad.. Assorted leafy greens, spinach, sprouts, tomatoes, bell peppers, edamame, olives, artichoke, beets, shredded carrots, corn, with tahini dressing (pretty sure not raw but too fab to pass up).

Snack: Mango that I nearly died over, it was so juicy. I wanted mooooorreeee.
Snack: leftover raw coconut icecream blended with frozen strawberries, coconut butter and almond milk for the BEST strawberry shake around

Dinner: (NOT RAW) roasted butternut squash with coconut butter (raw), evoo, and a pinch of cinammon

and lots and lots of water, with lemon juice cuz I love lemons.

THEN: After reviewing the budget and realize there are some major ickiness involved, I allowed myself to feel self pity and a moment of OMG we can't afford this because tomorrow we have to spend a very small amount to feed 5 of us for the next two weeks. Then catching negative vibes from Oliver fed fuel to the cooked fire.

Plus I was feeling cold all day, so I warmed up a bit of jasmine rice, evoo, and some fake meat.. (mostly veggie substance) and had about 5 little shortbread cookies that I had hidden a while back. LOL!!

Few pounds lighter....

The last few days have gone by in a blur.. we've continued to fight against unhealthy tendencies and for the most part have prevailed!!!! We've shut down the urge to eat out. My appetite has shrunk but in a good way and I'm happy to say I am a few pounds lighter although I haven't weighed myself. Its just something I notice when I put on my clothes. And I've noticed that my attitude of wanting to hide inside and stay isolated from friends and family is starting to melt away. I've just felt inadequate with the whole money/no job situation. And my one downfall is embarrassment. I'm a sucker for it and have a hard time getting over it.

It could be the possibility of a good job that came up, albeit it would require major life changing decisions. It would require moving 4 hours away from my family. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of that just yet. But perhaps that has peaked my self esteem, and I definitely attribute it to changes in our eating lifestyle.

I feel cleaner, lighter, more energetic, and prone to happier moods. We went shopping yesterday at Pal-Do world. Love it there. Got up this morning EXCITED to look at the array of fruits and veggies. There is something about a well displayed fruit bowl on my counter that makes me giddy.

And to top it off, the attitude that is being passed on to our kids. Last night I offered to make jake rice and beans for dinner and he said "naaa, I want a smoothie mom, Can I make my own?"
His included (of his own free will): Banana, orange juice, spinach, FLAX OIL, and frozen pineapple." He guzzled that down and had a happy look of satisfaction on his beautiful face. And now I understand Shazzie's concept of ecstatic beings.

Continued honesty even when its embarrassing...

Yesterday had a fabulous start, we had 3 juices (kale, cucumber, celery, and carrot) and tons of water. Then there were issues with my grandma coming home from the hospital, just a big stressful time and we were out the door running around like busy bees (didnt take any food with us). Oliver's bloodsugar got low, I was on freak out mode, on top of trying to grocery shop for Gram and pick up her prescriptions, the kids were hungry. I suggested Odwalla super green juice (the best choice I could make considering where we were) but he poo-pooed the idea because of the price, also refused the idea of any other juice... picked up ice cream, then we bantered the idea of stopping for fast food.. Because I tell you by then I wanted a little comfort (really should be discomfort). We dropped the stuff with gram, I spent some time talking to her. I love the heck out of that woman and she's in pain and her eating habits are ATROCIOUS and she is on so many medications (like 25 at a time).

So considering we are on a very very strict budget... and by now we were wretchedly starving and Oliver was dealing with recovering from low blood sugar and the kids were "huuuuunnnnngggry" neither of us saw ourselves preparing something in the kitchen so we stopped at..... .Jack in the Box.. A truly horrid horrid HORRID choice but everyone was briefly happy as we consumed that greasy fried flesh and carbs. It was disgusting and I keep wondering how I can do this to my family AND myself.

Oliver woke up this morning with swollen glands and a nasty sore throat and I feel icky. I immediately jumped up, consumed some chia seeds and made us a very very spinach focused smoothie. We only have enough fresh veggies for 1 juice and wont have money for groceries until Wednesday, so I plan on eating whatever frozen veggies we have lightly steamed.

I keep waiting for the day when Im not sharing all the disasters we are having on our health food oddyssey.

Honesty..

So tomorrow I will post pictures to show where I'm at physically. Let's talk the rest though, today was stressful, my gram is in the hospital. We drove up to Shoreline to get the kids for the weekend and I was RAVENOUS after eating organic pinto beans (cooked I know BUT HEALTHY) and I had this vegan fake meat thingy which I'm reading Dr. N.W. Walker's book Vibrant Health and realizing perhaps that's is worse than FLESH MEAT. We felt negative and went to Fred Meyer for food, and guess what I ended up buying. A stupid sandwich, (we also bought fruit). I ate through half the sandwich and felt like a wretch, my stomach hurt and I ended up gobbling the fruit (kiwi and strawberries) and was much happier.

I am heavier weight wise than I have been since college where my diet consisted of Senior Froggy's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My exercise regimen has been nonexistent due to sheer laziness and sickness. My skin looks like an adolescent and my moods are PMS like. I feel stifled and I want the raw joy I felt last summer when we were raw. I feel like the answer is so close and its within my means, I just have to overcome my own BRAIN. We spoke to the kids tonight about changing our eating habits next weekend and they were very receptive. Such great kids. I showed them a little cartoon I found on youtube called "The Meatrix" and although they still think eating meat is ok, I just want at this juncture to encourage healthy thinking and let them make their own decisions. We can't expect them to jump into complete raw veganism when Oliver and I haven't reached that point ourselves. Also we have their other families to contend with and currently Jake's dad is on the Atkins so MEAT GALORE. Jake said to me, "I'll just go my dad's and have LOTS of lunch meat."
I don't want to use scare tactics or make them feel guilty for consuming meat. I just want to open their eyes and I explained that Oliver and I wanted to feel/BE healthy.

This is Hanna's blog on health......

I think we should eat meat that has been treated good and eat good healthy food and a lot of stuff we should eat food from farms and we should pick it. And I really really really think we should eat better. (Compliments of Hanna)


Hanna: Age 7

Putting words into action...

I've been whining about it and this morning I actually got up and did something about it. I'm still mulling over a lot of things about life and health.. and where my passions lie and the best path to follow them. BUT....


This morning I actually got up, threw on some sneakers, grabbed the ipod and made myself EXERCISE! The air was crisp and it kind of made my cough worse but I managed 25 mins of a brisk walk around my neighborhood. I'm hating all the cooked food we bought yesterday at grocery outlet and I have this powerful urge to chuck it all out (well donate it) and bring in the veggies but budget does not permit this. We'll have to wait til next grocery shopping spree. I've managed to consume a cup of chia seeds in water, some spirulina and a green smoothie. (almond milk-not raw, raspberries, peaches, spinach, flax oil, and raw cacao).

Isn't it funny, the more unhealthy you get and depressed the less you drink water and take vitamins!! The most basic healthy things you can do for yourself get tossed to the wayside. So my goal today is to up the water intake since that ALWAYS has a great affect and continue with the vitamins. (Heck, I've invested so much time and money into finding the ones that I like and believe in).

TTFN. More exciting news in the misadventures of aspiring raw foodists to come.

inklings of excitement..

tiny tendrils of motivation and a whirl of thoughts storming through my mind.. i came across this motivational blogger/entrepreneur website through an ex coworker's brother's article on his blog. This site led me to this individual who touted creating your life without conforming to society's 9-5 model. Then I read that he also aspires to raw food-ism and I about jumped off the bed in happiness. I've been re-reading/researching raw food family sites and I just crave change. I crave throwing out all the cooked food in the house and exploring raw food on our budget.. we've let that hinder our health. "We can't afford that!" But really Oliver hit it home for me tonight. We had gone to grocery outlet for groceries and because it was SUPER cheap, he made onion rings and bbq wings for his dinner. Guess how he feels now?? LOL

I have David Wolfe on in the background, everything he says and the more I read, it just resonates with what I want and feel is right.

I'm thinking.. and its cloudy but .. there is possibility here.

Nasty tendencies...

So we're out the door early this morning, tons of errands to run, did not make the time to have a breakfast smoothie. I'm still feeling pretty horrible, really thinking maybe I should go to the doctor except I haven't had a fever and the cough is getting better but I feel so fatigued and the nose feels like its about to erupt. Without a second thought, we realize we're hungry and we need food now, where do we go?? ARBY's. I consumed a beef and cheddar sandwich and watched in defeat as my son scarfed down curly fries and a beef sandwich. I promised myself that that would be it. So back to running around town, end up at the dollar store... and what do we purchase?? CANDY!! Because its cheap and comes in these colorful packages that sparkle and shine and its sour candy..

Then we come home and I received the rest of my w-2s and find out that I owe the government money that I don't have and I'm very close to chucking my laptop at the wall in frustration and self pity and I don't know how to make this better and the phone calls from the debt collectors continue and I want to scream... and scream some more. And Oliver needs insulin, and I should probably go to the doctor and and and and.... the kids need a bigger home.. all 3 sharing a room is catastrophic. And Oliver's ex is sitting on a couple thousand in tax return yet won't pay A DIME for the divorce and it makes my blood boil.. I mean REALLY boil that for the last 2 years, I have payed gas, groceries, housing and when we are experiencing difficulties she won't offer ANYTHING. Nor does she even have to worry about transportation, we pay that.

Phewww breathe. Ok I'm breathing. My son is sitting on my foot without even noticing.. LOL these are trivial frustrations, I'll keep my eye on the bigger picture, it just feels as if I keep trying to break the surface only to be dragged deeper into the abyss of adulthood. There are so many things I miss... I miss my old job, very much, I miss my coworkers (most of them anyway LOL), I miss the paycheck and that feeling of providing and so much opportunity I had to pull myself out of debt, offer Jake good things and yet in many ways I am SO glad to be home with him everyday I just need to get out of this fog of depression. He's told me he doesn't want me to ever go back to work. :)

MSW and juice

Woke up this morning and felt driven about schooling. Found out the online school I was looking at is accredited after all by the important powers that be. Half-way through the unemployment schooling paperwork and I feel really good about it. I want to start this fall. I NEED to start this fall. Its a 2 year degree and a lovely pay bump according to all the job searches I have done. There is no room for negativity on this, like Nike I'll just "do it."

Had a huge smoothie this morning: frozen strawberries, raspberries, banana, spinach, low carb shake, raw cacao and water. Then had a juice mid morning: Kale, cucumber, and carrot. Followed by a veggie burger because I made them for the kids. Tomorrow I'd like to add some exercise if my nose/head will allow, its kind of throbbing right now but at least my attitude is better than yesterday.

I'm thinking I may post my body weight and do pictures and then I can track progress but not sure yet.. I know being in a relationship tends to add some poundage to a woman but I can't fit into ANY of my pre-relationship clothing. What a downer I tell you.
Later I shall post a picture of the wicked burn I received while cooking the kids evil cooked food.....