Nasty tendencies...

So we're out the door early this morning, tons of errands to run, did not make the time to have a breakfast smoothie. I'm still feeling pretty horrible, really thinking maybe I should go to the doctor except I haven't had a fever and the cough is getting better but I feel so fatigued and the nose feels like its about to erupt. Without a second thought, we realize we're hungry and we need food now, where do we go?? ARBY's. I consumed a beef and cheddar sandwich and watched in defeat as my son scarfed down curly fries and a beef sandwich. I promised myself that that would be it. So back to running around town, end up at the dollar store... and what do we purchase?? CANDY!! Because its cheap and comes in these colorful packages that sparkle and shine and its sour candy..

Then we come home and I received the rest of my w-2s and find out that I owe the government money that I don't have and I'm very close to chucking my laptop at the wall in frustration and self pity and I don't know how to make this better and the phone calls from the debt collectors continue and I want to scream... and scream some more. And Oliver needs insulin, and I should probably go to the doctor and and and and.... the kids need a bigger home.. all 3 sharing a room is catastrophic. And Oliver's ex is sitting on a couple thousand in tax return yet won't pay A DIME for the divorce and it makes my blood boil.. I mean REALLY boil that for the last 2 years, I have payed gas, groceries, housing and when we are experiencing difficulties she won't offer ANYTHING. Nor does she even have to worry about transportation, we pay that.

Phewww breathe. Ok I'm breathing. My son is sitting on my foot without even noticing.. LOL these are trivial frustrations, I'll keep my eye on the bigger picture, it just feels as if I keep trying to break the surface only to be dragged deeper into the abyss of adulthood. There are so many things I miss... I miss my old job, very much, I miss my coworkers (most of them anyway LOL), I miss the paycheck and that feeling of providing and so much opportunity I had to pull myself out of debt, offer Jake good things and yet in many ways I am SO glad to be home with him everyday I just need to get out of this fog of depression. He's told me he doesn't want me to ever go back to work. :)