And again...

I have never been this sick so consecutively as I have been the last 2 months. One sickness after another. Currently I am battling a sore throat with body aches that came out of nowhere (fingers crossed its not strep) while not more than 4 days prior I had a sudden onset of stomach cramps and unpleasantness that lasted with me not being able to eat anything for a couple days. Now I've read in the gazillion hours I have dedicated to reading raw blogs, articles and forums that raw is supposed to be cheap but really a family of 5 has a hard time paying for the pounds and pounds of raw yummies that one would need to keep at 100percent raw. Not to mention and I know I have ranted on this before the battles of one's mindset. Kids are bombarded (ok and adults) junk/fast food ads and when one is forced to scour Grocery Outlet for enough food to keep the small army of ravenous children at bay, those 3 for $1dollar boxes of macaroni&cheese wins over the bag of apples that quite really will rot in 1 day. I highly suggest NOT ever purchasing produce from Grocery Outlet.

As I reread this rant, another voice in my head clamors for attention. Its our duty as parents to raise our children healthy and happy and its hard for me to reconcile that the way I believe/feel we should be eating is not how we are currently eating because we can not afford it. Yet how can I justify not being able to afford "our health"?

Btw, why is it cheaper for a loaf of white bread than say a pound of celery? In the long run the celery will fill you more (with vitamins) but I can make like 8-10 pbj sandwiches. Grrr frustrates the heck out of me.

Now let's review mood. Oh my dear goodness, food is a huge proponent of where your brain is at. I find the more I struggle with the highcost of good for you food and the more bad for me food I ingest, my (and Oliver's) mindset has consequently suffered. Which serves to depress me even further as he is someone who really needs to not eat "bad" food. And since this is my ranting blog, I would like to add that Type 1 diabetes is evil and should be destroyed.

Ok so moving on, mood goes to heck, health goes to heck, what is the fix? I worry that I'm just not that good at budgeting and perhaps eating raw is doable but I'm just messing it up. I want so many things for my family. And their health and happiness is top priority.

It is at times like these that I feel helpless and crave stupid comfort food even though I KNOW they just contribute to a downward spiral. It's a horrible addiction because despite knowing the adverse consequences I still crave it and would eat it if it were around.

So to wrap this up, I'm struggling as it seems I have been since last year with staying on track. But I shall persevere and keep looking for options and opportunities to find balance and happiness.