Time to review and re dedicate....

Life in review on this somewhat sunshiny Sunday afternoon. Life continues to be topsy turvy wavy splishy splashy. 27 looms disgustingly close and there are days when I look at where I am and I feel like crying. Sometimes in joy sometimes in frustration. Learning to adapt to my new family and what it means to be the parent of 3 children instead of 1. This constant being sick has not helped, I feel helpless. Between dealing with ex wives/husbands (ok not ex's still need those damn divorces, curses they are so expensive), attitudes and growing pains, financial woes, health issues, and this damn economic depression, it leaves one feeling like running away. I just need something and I can't name it or describe it.

Family dynamics have changed considerably both in my own and in my new. I have so many desires and wants and sometimes I feel I have to reconcile the fact that it doesn't fit into my new reality. I feel as if there is a cloud hovering above my head, perhaps thats the cold medicine in my system and continously aching chest, so I know my health needs to tackled and hard. And ABOVE all else, my partner's health and if I can motivate and carry through with my own regimen, then nagging him into it again will be less like nagging, I suppose.

I keep juggling the notion of "small changes" vs "radical makeover" and perhaps it will do me good both physically and mentally to stick to something so rigorous. Perhaps it will empower me to examine more whats going on with me and find some peace.

Tomorrow will be juices and smoothies only.

Cucumber juice...

Feeling better today, easily fatigued though. Eating today has been pretty good, smoothie for breakfast, cucumber apple juice for snack. Did have left over lasagna for lunch with the kids but then opted for frozen raspberries for snack (ok and 3 of Oliver's potstickers) and a can of fruit with no sugar added. Small steps, I tell ya, small steps.

Food for thought

And the sickness continues, I feel like a broken record. But this morning I made a smoothie and that always seems to help. It consisted of: Banana, frozen raspberries, spinach, a low carb protein shake, raw cacao, and water. Super filling.


I had a cooked lunch but I could not taste much of it. Chatting with Ansley today, I felt inspired to not have a cooked dinner and I'm munching on more frozen raspberries. I think I'll have carrot juice later. It just feels so right, and I know my goal is to be as close to possible to 100% raw but I also have to allow for flexibility.

So Ansley says she will be joining me on this excursion. Yippee.

And again...

I have never been this sick so consecutively as I have been the last 2 months. One sickness after another. Currently I am battling a sore throat with body aches that came out of nowhere (fingers crossed its not strep) while not more than 4 days prior I had a sudden onset of stomach cramps and unpleasantness that lasted with me not being able to eat anything for a couple days. Now I've read in the gazillion hours I have dedicated to reading raw blogs, articles and forums that raw is supposed to be cheap but really a family of 5 has a hard time paying for the pounds and pounds of raw yummies that one would need to keep at 100percent raw. Not to mention and I know I have ranted on this before the battles of one's mindset. Kids are bombarded (ok and adults) junk/fast food ads and when one is forced to scour Grocery Outlet for enough food to keep the small army of ravenous children at bay, those 3 for $1dollar boxes of macaroni&cheese wins over the bag of apples that quite really will rot in 1 day. I highly suggest NOT ever purchasing produce from Grocery Outlet.

As I reread this rant, another voice in my head clamors for attention. Its our duty as parents to raise our children healthy and happy and its hard for me to reconcile that the way I believe/feel we should be eating is not how we are currently eating because we can not afford it. Yet how can I justify not being able to afford "our health"?

Btw, why is it cheaper for a loaf of white bread than say a pound of celery? In the long run the celery will fill you more (with vitamins) but I can make like 8-10 pbj sandwiches. Grrr frustrates the heck out of me.

Now let's review mood. Oh my dear goodness, food is a huge proponent of where your brain is at. I find the more I struggle with the highcost of good for you food and the more bad for me food I ingest, my (and Oliver's) mindset has consequently suffered. Which serves to depress me even further as he is someone who really needs to not eat "bad" food. And since this is my ranting blog, I would like to add that Type 1 diabetes is evil and should be destroyed.

Ok so moving on, mood goes to heck, health goes to heck, what is the fix? I worry that I'm just not that good at budgeting and perhaps eating raw is doable but I'm just messing it up. I want so many things for my family. And their health and happiness is top priority.

It is at times like these that I feel helpless and crave stupid comfort food even though I KNOW they just contribute to a downward spiral. It's a horrible addiction because despite knowing the adverse consequences I still crave it and would eat it if it were around.

So to wrap this up, I'm struggling as it seems I have been since last year with staying on track. But I shall persevere and keep looking for options and opportunities to find balance and happiness.