Day 12 Foreboding...

Ok as a fair warning, I am going to vent in this and admit that I have sunken to turning to a meal of cooked food for comfort.


Alright, as I mentioned yesterday, those "rumors" may actually turn out to be true (okay who am I kidding? I'm mostly likely going to be laid off). It feels as if the carpet has been swept out from under my feet, because finally, I have finally reached a point where I feel good about everything. I have a damn good job helping people with great benefits. What more could a single mom ask for? Not to rag on my son's father, but he has no way of providing insurance for Jakey and child support is very meager.

I have come so far, from working 2 jobs and struggling, I have been on foodstamps, I have accepted WIC, I have literally worked myself off all that. I did in home family therapy and worked as a waitress at a casino on the weekends and still couldn't make ends meet UNTIL I got this job. This beautiful beautiful job.

Jake is about to start preschool in Sept which is going to cost me a monthly tuition, I'm still in debt up to my eyeballs that I thought I was going to be able to start working on.

I'm very appreciative of the fact that my parents have clearly voiced that Jake and I can move in, no rent, we won't go hungry. I know I can draw unemployment. This displaces my boyfriend though. Uggh. My gut hurts.

On the health part of this, the juicer is fabulous. I feel fabulous but with the stress of all these thoughts, that I have tried to run out of my system (taking kids to park, played a bit of tag), I wanted to "dose" myself. I turned to food for comfort. We all went to Taco Time for dinner. The kids ate spinach before going as a bargain for getting such crap. I had the mexi platter. And it tasted good at first, and I really didn't feel guilt about eating it as much as impending doom. My stomach is totally rejecting it and is painfully cramping. And bring on the BLOAT!

No, I have learned a valuable lesson... no matter the stress, food is SOOOOOOOOO not the answer. So I'm going to forgive myself the pessimissm I allowed myself to indulge in and get my fanny in gear and HOPE FOR THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST.